The suffocation of small town living
From rural resident to city slicker- Kahn Stevenson’s journey as a gay man.
In a small-town, being queer can feel like a curse. Small-towns come with a distinct lack of gay bars or pride events. Support groups exist under the radar, if at all.
Recently, I sat down with former Coromandel resident and gay man Kahn Stevenson to learn more about the rural queer experience, and how it differs from the city.
When asked about the atmosphere growing up, Kahn was quick to bring up the feeling of suffocation caused by being different.
Kahn said he felt judged by those around him on his clothing choices and mannerisms.
“It was a bad environment. It was one that was prone to depression and anxiety, because you couldn’t be who you wanted to be.”
As a student leader, Kahn tried to create a more inclusive vibe in the local school. He helped organise many things, such as a safe space, a pride day, and a support group. He encourages those who are capable, to consider creating their own groups.
“It gave a voice to myself, and many, without forcing people out of the closet.”
When it comes to supporting LGBT+ youth, Kahn is quick to point out each student is an individual. Youth groups are useful, but it is important to also cater to the individuals in each group since they all have their own challenges.
“These kids are going through emotional trauma. Some of them even consider self harm, or suicide because of what is going on at home.
“Everyone’s got their own needs. Everyone’s got their own way of dealing with it. Everyone’s got their own way of exploring who they are.
“So really it is down to each school, to be more accepting to everyone and not isolating communities.”
I wondered how Kahn’s life had changed since he moved.
While he is hopeful for the future of queer youth in rural areas, Kahn was glad to be away from home.
He says there’s more diversity in the city, and it allows for freedom in presenting however you want. Unlike in a small-town there’s no correct way to dress or act.
Another upside is that the number of people in the city leaves you will other friends to fall back on if they disagree with your sexuality.
“It’s a fresh start. It’s meeting hundreds of people who have no idea who I am.”
If you are struggling with identity or mental health, consider calling one of these numbers.
Outline: 0800 688 5463
10am to 9pm
Lifeline NZ: 0800 543 354
Available 24/7
