Dating Apps and Long Distance Relationships During a Pandemic

Chapter 1: Dating apps, long distance love story & more

One of the easiest ways to meet people in 2020, is now on dating apps. Although there are no New Zealand statistics to date, in the US there are overall 14 million couples (28 million people) who are in long-distance relationships. A large percentage of those couples met on a dating app. Tinder is by far the most popular dating app with over 50 million worldwide users. Although long distance and dating apps clearly work well for a lot of people, they don’t work for everyone. There are many different people who will go on dating apps, those who are just looking for a fling/hookup and those who are genuinely looking for a lasting relationship. 

An example of a beautiful long distance relationship begins with a Canadian guy and a Kiwi girl looking for love, connecting 8000 miles away from each other. Their love story started on a Christian dating app called ‘Crosspaths’. Alicia was happy being single, but decided to see what the dating apps were really like. Alicia downloaded the Crosspaths app a year or so prior before she met Josh, but quickly uninstalled the app after having a few unsuccessful attempts at making lasting relationships. Alicia then redownloaded the app one afternoon in June 2019, forever thankful that she did, as she met the love of her life.

For Josh, Alicia was the first girl he decided to pursue. Josh went ahead and swiped right. He did this because he thought Alicia was pretty, as well as being very musically talented, from the look of her profile. As the two matched, they connected straight away despite the distance. 

For Alicia, she was first attracted to Josh’s profile as he seemed “well put together.” Alicia mentioned “from my experience most people on dating apps upload pictures straight from their phones, but Josh’s picture was professional and clearly taken with a camera.” Apart from that, his warm and open smile, shared interests and enthusiasm was the reason behind Alicia swiping right. From the second Alicia talked to Josh on the phone, she knew that this guy was going to be her future husband.

In September 2019, Josh flew out to meet Alicia in person. At this stage in their relationship they had just been talking for over three months. They both were more than excited but also a little nervous, to finally meet in person and hopefully make things official. “It did feel extremely strange to see Josh in person for the first time. It took me a few hours to get used to him just being here in the flesh,” Alicia admits. Their already strong relationship became immensely stronger, as they spent the next three weeks together in Alicia’s hometown, Tauranga – New Zealand. Now that they were officially a couple, their goodbye was so much harder. 

Three months slowly went by, it was now finally time for Alicia to go over for a little holiday and visit Josh in his hometown, Cumberland – Canada. Alicia had been counting down the days until they would reunite again, she couldn’t have been more excited. Arriving in Canada was like a winter wonderland, an idyllic place that Alicia could visualize one day moving to. Just a few days hence Alicia’s arrival, Josh got down on one knee and surprised Alicia with a beautiful proposal. Now that Josh and Alicia were a happy engaged couple, they ensured to make the most of their last two weeks together in person. Alicia was sad to leave Josh again, but she needed to go back home and carry on with her life in New Zealand.

This is the general gist of Josh and Alicia’s long distance love story, however, as I interviewed the couple I asked them to share more about what dating apps/long distance are really like and to give some tips from their experience. 

Of course being on dating apps does have some stigma around it. For example, “only desperate people will go on dating apps” or “there’s way too many catfish people out there.” However, the risk for possible judgement from others was worth taking for these two. Josh and Alicia both had their Instagram accounts linked, which gave them both more reassurance that the person they were talking to wasn’t a ‘catfish’. “You do need to be careful though as there have been far too many incidents where online dating has gone wrong,” Alicia warns. 

As both of their love languages are quality time, Josh and Alicia share that they typically spend about three – five hours a day, in a long-distance relationship, over Facetime. They do things any ‘normal’ couples would do, like watching movies together, eating or cooking food and just being in each other’s company. “If we had to pay for our Facetime calls per minute, we would literally be broke,” Josh jokes. They also compromise and make it work with the two different time zones. When it is lunch time for Alicia, it is dinnertime for Josh. This means Josh sometimes sacrifices his sleep schedule just so he can spend more time with Alicia.

The biggest piece of advice that they both want to share to anyone who is currently in a long distance relationship or thinking about pursuing one is to “make sure that you do your best to resolve any conflict straight away – since you do not have any physical connection, make sure you use your words. Although, you can be guaranteed to miss your partner incredibly much, hang onto all your memories and the positives rather than focusing on the things you wish you had,” from the wise words of Alicia and Josh.

Chapter 2: Long distance wedding planning in a Pandemic

When Alicia hopped onto her plane back to New Zealand, she never would have imagined a global pandemic would soon get in the way of their relationship. Long distance relationships are difficult enough. But in 2020, long distance relationships become particularly difficult. With both the Canadian and New Zealand borders closed due to COVID-19, Josh and Alicia have no clue on when they will be able to see each other next. Josh was originally going to be moving over to live and work in New Zealand sometime this year. Josh has a one year holiday working Visa, but during COVID, these types of Visas have been put on hold.

They have both been very strong throughout this difficult time. Continuing to plan their wedding, remain optimistic and take on one day at a time. Both Canada and New Zealand have different border restrictions during this time. “Canada has been quite fair with border control,” says Josh. Meanwhile, Alicia expresses her concern that the New Zealand border control is too strict; “We need to be a little more flexible with who we allow into the country,” she says. Border control has not only affected Josh and Alicia’s long distance relationship, but many many others too.

As the likelihood of having their original wedding date in November diminishes, the two have discussed plans of elopement instead. This means, they could potentially run off together and Having to cancel their wedding venue bookings, has become a sad reality. However, if there is no wedding “we will make our elopement as special and memorable as our wedding would have been,” Alicia says confidently.  

Alicia during lockdown used her musical gifts and produced a well written song. The song is called ‘Borders’ which goes into detail about her true emotions about how the closed borders have affected her. For example, “everythings got no purpose, life without him just feels so worthless…” Alicia has been writing songs since she was a little girl, as a way to express herself. Not only has Alicia expressed herself through her song, but on her YouTube channel sharing her story to all of her subscribers. She has also been able to connect with others in long distance relationships, and create a positive community in uncertain times.

Although the future is unknown, Josh and Alicia are holding onto each day until they finally get to reunite again. Josh mentions the thing he is looking forward to most when they reunite again is “just holding her in my arms, and never letting go.” 

Article written by Chelsea Satherley.