Total Recall: Ashes to ashes
In a post apocalyptic world the only two remaining inhabitable land masses are England (New Britain) and Australia (The Colony) and there is no love lost between the two.
Total Recall (2012, M)
Director: Len Wiseman
Starring: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine.
In a post apocalyptic world the only two remaining inhabitable land masses are England (New Britain) and Australia (The Colony) and there is no love lost between the two.
No truer a word be spoken when it comes to those two nations, and cricket lovers might view this remake of Paul Verhoeven’s 1991 sci-fi classic, Total Recall, as a futuristic version of The Ashes minus the action, drama and creativity.
Len Wiseman creates a dark, brooding and ultimately lacklustre version of the original and stumps himself before getting under way.
Colin Farrell reprises the role of Douglas Quaid (originally played by Arnold Schwarzenegger), an unassuming factory worker who fantasises about being a spy who goes along to Rekall – a company that specialises in implanting memories of a life less ordinary.
As it turns out, Quaid is a spy under such deep cover that even he doesn’t even know he’s on the job. He spends the rest of the film in one a long… long… long chase scene being hunted down by one Hollywood stunner (Beckinsale) and dragged by another (Biel). (Anyone got the address for Rekall?)
Farrell might trump Schwarzenegger for acting ability but somehow the Austrian Oak’s cardboard exterior plays the role in far more convincing fashion. Perhaps it’s Arnie’s thick ahhhcsent and dim-witted look but as confused saviour of the world he does a whole lot better.
Total Recall 2012 tries to set itself apart from the 90s version with the opening delivery but is wide of the mark for the rest of the of innings.
The ‘two weeks’ lady makes an appearance, so too the implanted tracking device, but at least they serve a purpose in the narrative unlike the three boobied prostitute.
She’s the streaker on the pitch who bares it all for giggles and is a distraction for players and fans alike with no mention of how she could possibly exist except that she was in the original.
They are, however, not the only unnecessary boobs here. There is of course the writer and director of this total rubbish.
